Dating with a chronic Illness
- I have IBD , do you still think I am hot?
Isn't dating complicated anyway in todays society? Getting to know someone in a simple way is almost impssible these days and this refers to people without any visible or invisible disability Having an invisible or even visible limitation doesn't make the whole thing easier. What is "normal"?
The 3 types
It seems to me that there are three types of people.
- Category 1 is swiping their way through Tinder, Bumblebee, Lovoo & Co and is livin in the here & now. The presence in your life is like their endurance ... not long. You don't need to tell them, how beautiful they are. Theyalready know it ! But thats all they have to offer: Their looks! Don´t you dare them to be romantic , they slide smoothly into your Dm's and 99% a hey is enough and they have you hooked.
- Category 2 is waiting for the one and their expectations are so high, quasi utopic and then they are surprised about they still not having found THE perfect one when they dumped the good boy for the 20th time and then find out that the 20th bad boy is a ..... well bad boy.
- Category 3 ... now the good ones are left. Those who still believe in true love that lasts forever. They don't want a superficial, quick number. Friendzoned, used or due to disadvantages, illnesses ..... they have no nerve left to take on the emotional chaos and the stress of the other categories.
Shouldn't data be fun?
The most beautiful part of a relationship is the exciting part of getting to know each other. The tingling sensation in your stomach, the butterflies, but with IBD or any other chronic autoimmune disease, you don't need this tingling sensation, the emotional chaos that Category 1 and Category 2 are causing. Let's be honest: I don't need anyone to mess up my life, my body does it very well by itsself, as you can clearly see. We are looking for something permanent! Someone to give us support. How often do I hear: You are pretty and smart. Why don´t you have a boyfriend? Well, you forgot to consider that I went through a lot which made me who I am today. Our illness is a big part of our life, whether we want to admit it or not. Dating is an introductory phase, but let's be honest. When do you tell the other and how? If someone knows the answer, DM me please! Aren't we all afraid and haven´t imagined yet how this scenario ends like around thousand times? How do I say it and when?
I have CED, do you still find me hot?
I am very sick!
I have diarrhea, but it isn´t contagious!
Most of the time, the fear of developing feelings and getting dumped , is too big. At some point, you are tired of investing time and effort just to make yourself vulnerable again. Yes, compared to healthy people, it is a miracle that I made it out of bed, made myself look presentable and am now standing in front of you! So please, appreciate my effort, because his means, I really like you, like a lot.
Advantage or disadvantage?
Like many other things in life, it often depends on the point of view and the attitude to certain things. One would consider having a stoma, a physical disability etc. to be a disadvantage. But why? Today we use filters for everything! For pictures, for researches on the Internet ... why not for dating? Upload pictures on Instagram, Tinder & Co! Show yourself and by that I don't mean what people want you to see, but who you really are! Don't hide and if they still want to date you, they can't accuse you of not having been honest right from the start. Voila, no wasted time, no categories 1 and 2. Yes, of course, that's easier said than done. But the moment you learn to stand for yourself is the moment from which you will be invulnerable. Let's face it, one day the day will come when you will be lying in pajamas on the sofa again, plagued by pain, and those who do not love you at ypur worst and leave you, are not worthy to have you at your best. Don't be stupid, be like Beyonce!
When is the right time?
I personally don't address the issue on the first date unless it comes from him or it arises. Most of the time, when I notice that it is getting more serious or I can imagine a serious relationship, I am outing myself . Most of the times a conversation develops because the other person is curious. This method has proven itself best, simply to say: I have ..... leaves nothing than a big question mark on the other person´s face and if he doesn't dare to ask, it ends with Mr. Google and that ends. .... well without another date.
